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Asking For a Date
Recently a young friend of mine was complaining that he has a hard time asking girls on dates. He seemed very serious about the question so I decided to indulge him. Anyone who knows me will get my spiel, before I talk with them about something that is troubling them. The spiel changes slightly yet goes along these lines. I start out by saying, "Pretend when we are talking about your situation that anything you hear from me isn't coming from me, just through me. Forget about where you heard what I am about to say. Pretend like I am some nameless radio voice." There might be a few different ways that I say this yet they get the point. I don't want any credit for having the potential talk with them. If they are still with me at this point, then we can move on to ownership. This is to establish that advice is not worth much. I need to establish with them that ideas, workable tools, and information is what we will be talking about. These are independent of me and can live on long after I am gone. So in order for them to get anything out of the conversation they have to give it some personal ownership based on shared ideas. So far this young man was still with me and had the advantage of also knowing my personality. I asked him the first question, "Why are you not asking girls out more often?" He said, "Fear." My second question , "fear of what?" His response, "fear of rejection, embarrassment, getting told no." My third/fourth question, "what is so fearful about rejection? Who told you rejection was bad?" He thought about that one for a moment, "What if I really like her then it's bad when she says no." My fifth question is a question about his question, "How would you feel about her if you did ask her in a moment of bravery and she said no?" He says, "I wouldn't think that much of her." My sixth question, "then what would you do?" He ponders for a moment, "start looking around at other girls." Then I stopped. I told him this, "No is a beautiful thing because it saves you time. It gives you open possibilities. Every ending is a beginning. When you get past a no, it just leads you to someone else and a new possibility for a yes." This is what he said and it amazed me, "So when she says no, I am in action and can move forward." My response, "Exactly, it stops you from waisting time and takes you forward to a new prospect. The best fear to develop is the fear of not asking." |
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Good article.
The copyright for this content entitled "Asking For a Date" has been specified by the contributor as:
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This intel was contributed by Aylewand
Aylewand
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May, 2012
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