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Dealing with Critical/Discouraging People
When dealing with any situation where someone is being critical of you or they are actively discouraging you. Here is a plan. This is a response to a blog post about people who are overly critical and discouraging. It will work with any negativity you will encounter from someone wanting to derail you or get in the way of your personal development. Before we get to this plan pretend that your own mind is giving you this answer and you didn't read it anywhere. The reason you do this is because it gives you a way to have ownership on a personal level with this information. You have to own this information for yourself, not because I am typing it. Remember the information and just forget where you read it. This way you can internalize it and actually apply it to your life. To begin with let me say there is a trap here. The trap is letting the other person frame the way they talk toward you. They are in a sense making an attack on you or what you have done in the past. When attacked in any verbal or emotion way we tend to fall into the trap. What is the trap? Our reaction is to defend ourself in these stressful moments. That's right we tend to defend. Yet when we listen to our inner voice we all know what really to do. Our instinct tells us that we should question the assumption of the attacker, that's right, "question the assumption of the attacker." This is being proactive. There is no counter attack here. In other words this has nothing to do with making an attack on them, just what they are saying to you. Did you get that: JUST WHAT THEY ARE SAYING TO YOU. You have to question their assumptions, by asking them questions. Calling them out, over and over by staying the course with questions will win the day. Why does it win the day? Because you are having them defend why they discourage you or attack you. By being proactive and making them look at what they are saying and having to defend their words will take the energy out of their unkind or unthinking discouragement toward you. In a way, even though they don't know why, by not reacting yet simply going into a questioning mode with them, you take the subconscious sport out of going after you. When you start asking questions it will eventually baffle them and point out what is really going on and the ill treatment will eventually end. You are not a target to go for, you have made yourself too much work. Your questions will point out to the universe and anyone listening, just how harmful they are acting, without ever going after them personally. In short the winning path is this: Avoid defending yourself and question their discouraging assumptions. Note: Just question what they are saying, not them as a person.
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Contributor's Note
I was inspired by a blog post on a self development site I am a member of. The person was have difficulty dealing with discouraging people.
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Cornucopia
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Hi Aylewand! This is both great information and a great presentation thereof! My historic response to people that live in the sea of negation is to put distance [emotional and physical] between them and myself. However, after reading your take on it I realize that allowing myself to 'valueate' or make a judgment call on the positive/negative aspect of such people and the things they say is MY OWN CHOICE, which was and can be causing ME discomfort. So now, I've got 2 tools for keeping myself balanced when interacting with folks of this type: accept that it's THEM and THEIR attitude, not mine; and when they happen to be people that I love for their other good qualities, QUESTION their assumptions! Thanks for the posting! :) YE is Here!
S-B Global Enterprise Network
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Your comment is appreciated. Peace and prosperity in all that you endeavor.
The copyright for this content entitled "Dealing with Critical/Discouraging People" has been specified by the contributor as:
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This intel was contributed by Aylewand
Aylewand
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May, 2012
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